May 13, 2014

Many the Miles

It's funny how you project where you are in your own life onto what's going on around you. Like, when you fall in love, all of a sudden the syrupy songs you've been singing for years take on an extra layer of meaning. You hear them on a deeper level. You can relate. They feel so true. That's you they are singing about!  

Oddly, going through infertility and miscarriage has started to creep into my song interpretations a lot lately, too. Certain love songs that I used to think about in terms of romantic love have started to morph into songs about love for a baby. Songs about break ups seem to hold a lot of wisdom about fetal loss when your mind is in that space.

A singer I love is Sara Bareilles, and one of her songs from an album or two ago has been coming on Pandora a lot lately.  The catchy little chorus seems to chant in my ear, echoing a feeling in my heart about becoming a mom:

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to follow you Love

I do what I can wherever I end up
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
Cause I've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes
I've learned how to cry
And I'm better for that

Sing how far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Send me the miles and I'll be happy to
Follow you Love


How far do I have to go to get to you? I keep hearing it in my head. If only the universe could send me the exact miles (or months, or days, or years) right now, it sure would be a lot easier to keep walking. 

May 2, 2014

Bright Side



It's a beautiful Friday afternoon.  I am healthy.  I am loved.  I have more than so many other people.  And I have wine.  And this glass is gone already.  So grateful for the moments when I can feel grateful.