September 8, 2014

Anniversary

I was pleased to notice that my blog started just over a year ago, and this is my 52nd blog post, which means that I've averaged about once a week with entries! Not bad for a chronically unreliable journal/diary keeper! Even though there were busier and slower time periods during the year, I am going to pat myself on the back for keeping the blog current in general. It's nice to have a record in existence to aid my failing memory on details. The blog has also helped cement the cyclical pattern of all the emotions. While I tire of going through some of the negative things over and over, it is nice to see the more upbeat moments recorded alongside them.

Nothing much has really been happening on the IF front here. I started taking BCP in advance of my third and final fresh IVF starting later in September. I had a repeat of my mock embryo transfer/saline sonogram, the previous one being in January. Since I had the pregnancy, miscarriage, and D&C in March and April, they just wanted to be sure nothing looked amiss in my uterus before we plan to transfer the one golden embryo we have on ice. I also am awaiting my mammogram results (yay turning 40) from last week's scan. Hopefully nothing funny going on with that either.

I have been reminded again how happy I am that I switched RE's. My RE has phoned me several times trying to touch base about the upcoming cycle--doses of meds, plans, etc. It was nice to talk in person with her and pick her brain a little. I am pondering adding HGH (human growth hormone) to my regime of drugs for IVF #3. I had considered pushing for it with cycle two, but I did not want to mess anything up by adding it when cycle one had been great. Now that I've had the "worst case," I figure why not? Well, the cost is the main reason, along with the fact that there is no persuasive evidence that this will be any type of magic bullet. Still some studies seem to show positive results, and many women in my IVF group have been given this drug as part of their plans, several believing that it aided in getting them normal embryos. Again, I tire of trying to read studies and do medical research as a non scientist. I do my best, but I never feel certain of the "right" decision. I don't want to crazily grasp at straws, but this is my last chance to get any genetic children as back ups if the one good embryo does not stick.  Hopefully, we will come to a decision this week and get my medications all ordered and ready to go for late September, either with or without the HGH.

Emotionally I am all over the place, per usual. I am burned out, but I am also feeling a faint glimmer of something like relief that the "end" is getting closer, whichever way it all plays out.